Changing hearts

I went to a wedding last evening. The engagement wasn't announced in the paper, there was no wedding shower, no bachelor party. There were no engraved invitations, no cascading flowers or organist. But there was two people joining their lives together, two witnesses to this powerful moment, and a rabbi providing the blessing of the Almighty upon this couple's union.

The groom and groom had met 14 years earlier to the date and in their words to each other they shared what that day and every day since has been like. They spoke of highs and lows, moves across the country, and all of it together. They cried, the groom's daughter cried and I cried. It was more emotionally and spiritually powerful than I could have imagined. Listening to the rabbi give blessings that have been given over thousands of years of history brought it all together.

At dinner after the ceremony, we were discussing the tears - especially from one of the grooms who had previously shared that the ceremony was not going to change anything - and the rabbi said the tears came from the ability to share their love and commitment freely, openly, and with recognition from a higher power.

Mazel Tov

Nixon/Frost & 62 yrs together

Hubris and love - this morning I watched Nixon/Frost - the account of probably the most famous interview in the history of television. And I also read the nuptual announcement of two men who have spent almost 60 years together who were married in DC. I put these together because the both fall to the category of elected officials who feel that they have the power granted to them by elected office, to enact laws and to stretch them to their personal benefit. Richard Nixon, the most infamous politician, felt that by virtue of his office he could commit no wrongdoing - it was the president's prerogative - and yet, democracy is based on the premise that NO ONE is above the law -interesting interpretation on his part I must say. Having been a child when the Watergate hearings were broadcast, interrupting my Sesame Street viewing I might add, it is hard to comprehend how close the entire system of government came to collapse. Additionally, I find it fascinating that in hindsight, while everyone despised Gerald Ford for pardoning Nixon, everyone now agrees that had he not and an impeachment trial had taken place, the country would have been torn further apart. History has that fascinating viewpoint in that the further away the event, the more the nuanced and less black and white the event becomes.

Which now brings me to the wonderful couple who married this past week. Bob Davis, 89, and Henry Schalizki, 89, met in 1942 and have been together living a lovely life together here in Washington, DC. Hubris kept them apart - hubris that love between men or women would bring the world to a screeching halt. One may ask what is the thread between there stories? It is the documents that founded this great country - for President Nixon, it was his breaking his oath to defend the Constitution of the United States and in the case of Bob & Henry, it is the Declaration of Independence. We are all given the right equally under the Declaration the pursuit of happiness. Why do modern leaders not go back and understand that we are a country which respects and thrives on diversity and inclusion. We are not a homogeneous nation and never have been. We have been the beneficiary of the greatest pool of diversity and talent in modern history. Why do our leaders say no more than they say yes? How can they not understand that the country is now moving much faster than they are?

Again, down the road, history will provide greater insight to this battle for marriage rights. In the meantime, I can applaud a relationship between two men which has spanned the last half-century. L'amour, toujour l'amour.

Day off or Day of paranoia

How is it that when one is at work, one is constantly thinking, well maybe not constantly, but thinking of all the other things, usually fun, that one could be doing. However, once a day off occurs, you are constantly checking emails trying to be sure to stay on top of projects and such - make sure the shit doesn't hit the fan in your absence.

The amusing thing I find about this conundrum is that I know of few people - doctors, nurses, police, firemen, the military - who are saving lives on a regular basis. We're not solving world hunger or helping the refugees from Darfur - we're pushing paper, we're creating moments that will be forgotten as soon as they are over - terrifyingly simplified but the point is take the freaking day and don't look at emails or messages - if there's an emergency it can wait until tomorrow.

I just finished reading "Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man" about a NY book editor who is addicted to crystal meth and loses everything - editing job, boyfriend, family, friends - and at the end when he is out of the depths and well on his way to recovery he has a great quote - "Just when you think it's the end of the world, it isn't"

So, I for one, am not going to check my emails today - Monday will come soon enough. Life is too short to be wasted on worry.

Thoughts on a Cruise

So, I'm back from an eight-day cruise with my parents and nephew visiting Cozumel, Costa Rica, and Panama. We were sailing on the Carnival Freedom, a beautiful ship with a great crew. It is on occasions like this that I am reminded that there is an entire nation and world beyond the Washington Beltway. Upon boarding the ship in Ft. Lauderdale, I was reminded that the rest of the country finds it appropriate to wear a bikini when you obviously haven't looked in the mirror recently OR you have a funhouse in your bedroom. Middle America - you are HUGE! Stop with the buffets and the eating everything you can find. As many of you may be aware, food on a cruise ship is quite plentiful all day and night - one would think that it was the last food on earth given the plates that folks fill......and the ice cream machine needed extra electricity to keep up with demand. Who knew ice cream was the new breakfast food?

On top of the HUGE factor, this cruise must have had 300 children (late teens to babies) on board - and almost all of them were raised by wolves, and not the Twilight series Taylor Lautner type either......they were pushy, rude, loud, and EVERYWHERE!!!! The bars, the spa, the pools, the casino - and their parents could have cared less - vacation is now just where can we ditch the kids and they won't get lost - on a cruise ship!! what a brilliant idea - take the kids - they can run wild, as the parents - we can run wild, and everyone has a great time except for everyone else on the boat.....INCONSIDERATE BASTARDS, that's what I say.....you don't get to stop parenting in international waters!!!! GRRR!

Other than the monsters and the wide load families, the cruise was lovely. The crew was friendly, the entertainment outstanding, and the England vs US World Cup soccer match was awesome on the big screen on deck! I highly recommend a cruise - just be sure that school is in session!

BP disaster

What a cluster f**k! Don't corporations ever have contingency plans for disasters like this? I am incredulous that in this day and age that this oil plume cannot be plugged. We totally reap what we sow, we have abused this planet to the point where we deserve this disaster. Nature doesn't deserve it, those poor sea creatures don't deserve it. It is our inability to look beyond our immediate needs to a future world left for generations to follow. Drill baby drill is the stupidest most shallow comment any American can make. All we do with increased drilling is prolong the inevitable decline of our country. China gets this and is a leader in alternative energy, other countries get it and are building wind farms. What does America do? We drill deeper and deeper, in environmentally rich areas, wherever we can. Doesn't anyone understand with our dependency on oil we are beholden to others to satiate our appetite. We as a country must demand accountability from corporations, be they Lehman Brothers, AIG, or BP. Government must enforce its laws and not become a pawn for misguided corporate profits. When do we wake up to all this corruption and quest for higher and higher profits. I guess when we are out of oil. BP can teach us a valuable lesson - only if we are willing to learn it.

Wedding Gowns

What is it? What is my fascination with wedding gowns?? My newest guilty pleasure, Girl meet Gown, is totally voyeuristic and judgmental, and yet, I can't get enough....when the girl walks in with a stack of bridal magazines I break into a giddiness that can't be explained - I think to myself, she's too big to go strapless, too tiny to go ballgown...EEEK! It's Goldilocks and the three gowns! This one is too big, this one is too small....this one makes me cry...I got all gooey when a bride came out crying because she knew that this was the dress....and it was.

Watching this show provides insight into the rise of the modern "Bridezilla" - you can look at the bride and see if she is going to alienate all of her friends and family by the wedding day or if she'll be as sweet and happy as she is shown. And in their gown selection, they reveal more about themselves and their relationships with their friends and family - does her mother love her selection, is she supportive, jealous, wistful, ecstatic? Are the friends jealous, spiteful, cruel?

I love the show especially for the staff and owners of the bridal salon - they handle themselves with such grace and humor. They understand that they are working with women at their most vulnerable - getting married. They understand the bride who changes her mind, whose wedding isn't going to happen, and who wants/needs to lose weight to fit into the gown she has dreamed of since she was 10.

A big thank you to the brides on the show - I appreciate being a part of your special day. You all are beautiful -

Children

God love the little ones! We were all there once, try as we may to forget.....the Washington Post had an interesting article in the Sunday paper regarding the balance between people with children vs people without and the daily struggles businesses and individuals deal with the mostly unspoken conflict.

Being someone who has no children, just dogs, I feel the angst when arriving at a restaurant with small children nearby and they are running around or playing with their food. I don't blame the child, I blame the parents for allowing this behavior. I was raised by parents who believed that children didn't go out to public places, such as restaurants or church, until I could behave properly. If that meant my parents went to separate services to allow one of them to be at home, that is what they did. If it meant no restaurant dinners with me and my brother, they did it. I understand the want for parents to be out of the house and enjoying their lives with their friends, and inevitably their friends' children, but they tend to forget that everyone else is there to enjoy themselves too!

But I also see the side of the parent who needs to go out and doesn't want to give in to their life changing just because they have children. It's tough to eat at home with multiple small children and miss out on being served and not having to clean up the dishes. I get it - but I do think parents forget about the larger responsibility they have - to acknowledge when their little darlings are not prepared to be in public - be it they are a little sick, they are squirmy, prone to temper tantrums, and all the other behaviors that are disruptive to others in the room.

There must be an admission that life changes with children - not every option is as available to parents with little ones as easily as life before them. It's not a slight on parents, it's not a slight on non-parents, it is just life. Parents can choose to bring their children to restaurants but need to show the responsibilty to remove them if they begin disruptive behaviors. I've seen many a well-behaved child completely enamored with a book or crayons during an adult dinner and always make an effort to acknowledge the parents and their lovely child or children.

So, as every issue in life, it's a matter of personal responsibility.