2013

so here we are again, another year begins, we reset our calendars and think about how quickly 2012 went by while we promise to spend more time with those closest to us, exercise, climb Kilimanjaro and solve world peace....all before our fabulous three week holiday touring the vineyards of Tuscany :) I'm not cynical, I've come to appreciate the much smaller achievements we can choose to adopt that can truly make 2013 a year to remember. As I have read, "Be the change you want you want to see". We can't wait for the world to change if we don't change first. If we want more love in the world, we must put more love into the world; more peace, put more peace into all our words and deeds; if we want respect, treat others with respect - that is what we as individuals should put at the top of every list of resolutions. Be the love - Be the peace - Be the change -

Odd Man Out: stop worrying about being perfect

Odd Man Out: stop worrying about being perfect: "I have no idea how much other people think about this topic of everything must be perfect. To me, it seems to permeate every idea, every in..."

stop worrying about being perfect

I have no idea how much other people think about this topic of everything must be perfect. To me, it seems to permeate every idea, every interaction, every moment - it could be better, must be a perfect thought, a perfect conversation, a perfect presentation - we all use the words - I'm a type A personality, I must get an A, I must be recognized for my contributions, I must be known as a perfectionist, I have to show everyone how it should be done. My question is a simple WTF? Perfection is the art of the absurd - I'm so exhausted by the silliness of it all - what does it get any of us in the end - an attitude of superiority? a disdain for others? a reputation for exacting standards? A pillar from which to fall when our human failings reveal themselves? Give it up, revel in the imperfections where life exposes its natural wonders. I agree that certain actions and occasions call for exactness, a surgeon, an accountant, a builder, but perfection? Perfection only seems to be used in matters of more abstract ideas, not hard and fast factual events. You must give the perfect present, you must host the perfect party, be the perfect couple, be the perfect family - instead of being the messy host but who enjoys his friends and embraces the moment when his house isn't perfectly neat and tidy.

Some might argue I'm not driven enough to strive for perfection - a slackard - some might say I just don't have the ability to rise above the mediocrity. So be it, if that is the case, perfection will elude me like the pot o gold at the end of a rainbow. Expecting perfection and worrying about the subsequent failure is too draining. I appreciate the grace and beauty of the hair out of place, the last 10 pounds that just won't go away. The world has a place for all of us. As for me, I'm hanging my hat with the imperfectionists - those of us who choose to do better than our best but fall short of perfection. So, while everyone else is seeking the elusive holy grail for momentary and fleeting recognition, I'll be plugging along doing the best I can while grinning my imperfect smile in my imperfect life.

Betty Ford RIP

If people are following me, they are probably wondering what is my deal with Betty Ford - I would argue that she was one of the most transformative individuals of the 70s - she opened up about her mastectomy, she championed women's rights, she understood the inherent human flaws in all of us and shared her struggles and thoughts in public - regardless of the reaction. She understood the need for understanding and not judgement, compassion not hate, no partisan versus partisan, human versus programmed. She and President Ford brought a much needed reality to a nation faced with scandal and lies. I believe that her time in the White House and her many years after through her establishment of the Betty Ford Center, brought humanity to the forefront. She was a real woman with many real struggles, we don't see many people in public life conduct themselves as gracefully, forcefuly, and unabashedly, as she did. May she rest in peace with her husband. Thank you for sharing your gifts with a nation.

The America we live in

Talking heads, experts, analysts, elected officials - listen closely - the United States of America is not your play toy - it is not your personal soapbox nor a hostage to be taken to achieve your narrow goals. The world is changing faster than any government can keep up with and we, the global leader in so many fields, is falling behind. How, you could ask, could this happen? I reckon that we as a society, most directly, our elected officials, were too embroiled in the maintaining the status quo. No one, I would argue, since Richard Nixon was president, holding elected office, actually has shared the horrible truth, we are in decline as a nation. If we can't educate, if we can't inspire the next generation to strive to be better and more creative and more caring, then we have failed. If we can't tell the truth about manufacturing jobs never coming back in the numbers or at the pay level that generations of families enjoyed, and stop pandering that they are coming back, we have failed. We need to look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we have no one to blame for ourselves. We individually, at all levels, stopped caring about the collective, We, the people. We were up in arms when Hillary Clinton suggested that it takes a village to raise a child - but it does and it should. We have lost that sense of common humanity that we have a responsibility as an American citizen that those of us who are most successful have a responsibility, not a law, not a judgement, but a personal responsibility to help those less fortunate. Little ways, big ways, we don't need elected officials to tell us half truths and shadowy statements - we need to believe in the power of us versus the power of me. Everyone has to step back, evaluate his or her self-centered behavior, take the Me out of important decisions and ask how does this affect the We.

We as citizens deserve the government we have - however, America is an amazing country with resilience, intelligence, and a willingness to slough it through hard times. We have lost probably a generation of Americans to misdirected public policies, political posturing, and stagnant economic growth. We, the people, can and must do better. That is our challenge - this is our legacy. Be bold, be brave, and be an active part of this amazing experiment called America.

Memorial Day

I've read several articles this morning across the news spectrum - from Facebook postings to the NYTimes to the UK's Daily Mail - what struck me is our understanding, or lack thereof, of our past history and experiences, show a direct correlation to the air of malaise affecting the United States of America. On this day of remembrance, we honor our past and current soldiers in arms for their service on behalf of our country, its ideals, and its overwhelming success as a beacon of freedom and opportunity unmatched in modern history. But on the flipside, we conduct so much of our daily live tethered to dying ideas - politics, the education of our young, the workplace, the way we travel to and from it, the literal and emotional value of it - we all should take a moment today to not only salute those who have secured and continue to protect the US but we should also honor the American spirit - unyielding in exploring new opportunities and new ideas, sharing a collective vision of supporting our neighbors and those who need help unselfishly and without great fanfare, and remembering that we are ALL our brother's keepers. On this Memorial Day, remember our past but lift your gaze and be bold, creative, compassionate, and as our ancestors did, don't be afraid of change - embrace it wholeheartedly with passion and ambition. As with many holidays, we should not have one day of remembrance for those who serve on the front lines of battle throughout our history, we should be grateful every day. Those of us who have not served should take every opportunity to make our servicemen proud by taking this fractured, angry, scared populace and lift it above the partisanship, greed and divisiveness in today's world. Service can be honored by remembering that we, the people, need to create our more perfect union. We owe it to our servicemen and women who put themselves in harm's way on our behalf.

little things

So I walk to the Brookland Metro stop - an eight minute trek morning and evening. Over the past six months I'd say, I pass an older woman on her way to work. She's very attractive but didn't wear makeup and kept her gaze down, averting my eyes. She seemed kindly - about two months ago, she and I crossed paths and she and I looked at each other and I said "good morning", she smiled a beautiful smile and said "good morning" back. Since that point, for whatever reasons in her life, I noticed that every time we encounter each other, she is wearing a little more makeup, usually a beautiful shade of lipstick, dressing with a bit more flair, and more confident in her composure.

Now I know that I am taking way too much credit for my morning friend's blossoming, I do think that there is a power in acknowledging others in simple ways. I believe there are times when we all need someone to recognize us with something as simple as a hello. I feel so good when we cross paths and we both smile at each other and say "good morning."

The biggest of change happens with the smallest of gestures.

And I, I took the road less traveled by

"If you don't like where you are in life, there comes a point when you must give up the part of you that's keeping you back." -Dr. Sonya Friedman

Life is a journey, haven't we all been told that before. However, what no one says is that as you experience your own journey, you get to decide who is part of your journey - what they help carry, what special skills and experiences they bring with them, what you have to carry for them, and when their journey will eventually lead them down a different path. No two people - even sharing an ultimate goal - will ever travel the same path because the two experience every moment of every day with their own eyes, ears, heart, and soul. Every day we have the responsibility to follow our own paths because that is what we owe to whatever deity or evolutionary power brought each of us to today. If we do not live to our full potential, we are preventing the world from experiencing the profound power of uniqueness. No one is better than anyone else - we all experience the joys and sadnesses during our lifetime - nothing can save us from our eventual end - so I try to always remember that everyone is on their own unique journey - we meet many along the way who join in our merry band of travelers - learn from these fellow travelers the unique lessons they unknowingly share - our journey is the adventure, the experience, and the individuality of it. I try to remember that the ultimate destination for us all is the same - in the meantime, soar with your unique talents and share the humanity - the love, compassion, and interconnectedness - every day.

Day Two

So, Day Two has come and mostly gone - what to write, what to write.....shall it be the grand insights to life, love, or how to make a million dollars off of home foreclosures? I think if the television watching public took the time wasted on bad sitcoms and reality tv and actually lived life, we'd be even MORE depressed and OBESE.....we hide in plain sight, we lock ourselves away every night not wanting to come out till the morning's light. I ask, do we like ourselves? do we know if we like ourselves or not or are we blindly going along with routine, always doing the safe thing.

Every day do something brave, do something bold....make a promise to yourself to do one thing to make yourself laugh. I remember growing up a song that to this day I enjoy singing as I walk the pups - "Sing, sing a song, make it simple to last your whole life long, no matter that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear just sing, sing a song"

Tomorrow - sing your song

I'm BAAACK

Has it truly been four months since my last post? Life has kept me busy so for the few, the proud, the crazy who read this - I'm going to do better! I saw a friend this weekend who writes a great blog -I sh ared that I was totally impressed that he posts daily updates - an aspiration of mine! So beware - I'm going to try and suck a few minutes of every day from you to share a little insight to the millions of bouncing neurons in my head!

So, let's start with a personal update - as the song goes, for every season turn, turn turn, there is a season turn, turn, turn....so I'm entering a new season - spring. The dark days of my emotional winter are turning to the inspirations and aspirations of spring. Like the bulbs lying dormant underground waiting to come out of hiding, so am I ready to poke out and feel the sunshine. Enough said - stay tuned.

Woo Wee time flies

Wow - I haven't posted in six weeks - bad, bad me! September is a busy month of events for my family - not that we spend any of them together given geographical barriers but on the 1st my parents celebrate their wedding anniversary - 59 years - well, back up into August and it was my grandmother's birthday - a book unto herself - miss her, - oh, and August was also my godmother's birthday - two books for her - she was awesome! So, moving forward - the 14th is my birthday, my cousin's birthday (he's my parents' godson as well) and my godparents' anniversary. We move to the 28th, my Dad's birthday - turned a hale and hearty 83, and Oct. 5 is my brother's birthday - 50! Yeesh - so needless to say, we keep Hallmark very, very busy this month.

What's the point of all that background? I find myself intrigued by the intersections that happen on dates - is it coincidence that my godparents' wedding anniversary is on the same day as my birthday? My godmother passed away on the anniversary of the day my parents' brought me home after adopting me - coincidence? My grandmother passed away on my mother's birthday - coincidence? I'm fascinated by the possibility that every event is part of a grand plan - that our beginnings and ends are woven together for eternity with those closest to us. Others would say, there are only so many days in the year so of course there's going to be overlap. I'm not so sure.

I'm reading Carl Sagan - fascinating man - he made astronomy and science popular by popping up on the Johnny Carson show on a somewhat regular basis - and in this series of speeches he gave in Great Britain, he discusses how special and unspecial our planet is - and how with a variance of .0001 percent in some instances our world would not have been able to support life. He discusses the vastness of space and the 14,000 million other galaxies that are out there which may or may not be like us. It's just fascinating to gain a better perspective on how small we are and yet how important we as a species think we are.

So what's the purpose of today's ramblings - the world and our lives are random, small, and in the grand scheme of the universe, quite mundane but to each of us and our interconnectedness - we thrive and celebrate each day for its unique possibilities.

Moments of clarity

It has been mentioned to me that I'm a bit bitter in my commentary - I prefer to say biting social criticism but you say tomahto, I say tomayto - :) So this past weekend, I went hiking in Lost River State Park - a beautiful day, neighbors down the street had come out for the weekend to the cabin, just the makings of a great day! We arrived at the beginning of the trail which was taking us to a ridge 3700 feet up a mountain and it was right by the horse stables which take people on riding tours of the park. There was a guide and two visitors mounted on their horses in front of us ready to begin their ascent. This one horse cantered by me and she had the most beautiful big blue eyes - and as she passed me, I felt her look right at me - her blue eyes locking with my blue eyes - I had a moment of clarity that we're all part of an amazing experience of life. There's so much magic, wonder, and awe around us if we allow ourselves the moment to see it. Most people would look at the horse and be done, I took a moment to appreciate the pure beauty and grace of her. We're all connected, be we animals, humans, trees, ants, and yes - even snakes. The magic is in understanding and appreciating the interdependency, the emotional fulfillment , and the happiness - pure happiness, that can be gained from making a moment to connect, truly connect, with the world right around you.

Bitter, nah, jaded perhaps, but always amazed and awed.

What we have become

I'm really angry and worried about what our nation is becoming. The recent frenzy of craziness regarding the 14th Amendment and the mosque in NYC has brought out the absolute worst examples of "leadership" and public citizenry that I can recall. Do we really as a nation believe that we are not a nation of immigrants and religious tolerance? Do we really believe that our Founding Fathers would have had such issues with a religious center? I cannot believe that elected officials and political pundits will use the Constitution and the Bill of Rights to their own benefits in whatever way it suits them. They will justify homophobia, control a woman's right to choose what to do with her own body, the sanctity of marriage, the right to bear assault arms to "hunt".....what won't they do?

If I remember correctly, the United States was founded as a new experiment ensuring life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness - that all men are created equal with certain inalienable rights - to its citizenry. That's what has made us strong and unique. But democracy is an experiment and 1,000 years from now, as we look back and study the empires of Rome and Greece today, will history books look as this small blip of 200 and some odd years of the United States with amazement at its rise and fall or as the spark that brought forth and spread the light of freedom of expression, religion, and the rights of the individual. I can say today that I am afraid of the answer.

Nature vs Nurture - not the argument you think

I read a review of a study to be published regarding personality traits being set as early as first grade. In this study which followed individuals from first grade to adulthood, it was discovered that however you were in first grade you basically are going to be like throughout life. It was funny to read that, just last week my mother was commenting to me about what a happy kid I was - and how I was still like that....I guess that study would work out well for me :) But what about others - how horrible if your mother were to say to you - you whined then and you're still whining...or you were such a drama queen and you still are (I have several friends whose mothers I'd like to check this fact out with!)

This then led to me to think how much easier life would be if we all had to wear signs or better yet, our driver's license had a little box indicating what are character traits were in first grade - teacher's pet? pant wetter? get over that chalk-eating problem? Better than Myers-Brigg, this would immediately share insight as to the possible friendship, dating material, or collegiality in the workplace for each of us. How much easier could it be than to go to a job interview and have someone ask, "so you didn't play well with your brother, how will that affect your group project work today?", or "tell me about your violent behavior toward Raggedy Ann?" Well, umm....I was in first grade, I didn't know better," ain't gonna cut the mustard anymore.

Consumer Vents At Target For Right-Wing Donation

If you can make it there

So dramatic - but I do believe the world changes faster than we can all comprehend, and it takes us regular humans some time to realize that the ground beneath our feet is quicksand....following my trip in the Sshhhhhh car, I attended a conference in NYC - well, let's back up to my feelings about the Big Apple - I LOVE IT! I was fortunate enough to have parents who took me to the city quite often during the course of my childhood. I saw amazing shows - Dreamgirls in its first week open with Barry Manilow and Lucille Ball (who I met at dinner earlier in the evening) sitting at the end of my row in the audience, Patti LuPone in Evita among others - it truly was where I wanted to be. Of course, when the time came to go to college, New York was the only city off the list, parents were afraid the arts had me in its clutches - which it did.....often wonder what restaurant or retail establishment I'd be working in had I persued that path....how different.....alas, that's not THIS post - :)

So I check in to the conference hotel, the Marriott Marquis, right on Times Square. Now, I have been very aware of the cleaning up of the area to make it more "family friendly" - well, they have succeeded in the Middle Americanizing of one of the most amazing spaces on the planet! If I have to see one more TGIFridays or M&M Store I think my head would explode! Why is it necessary to always remain in the bubble of which we live - what happened to the adventure in life - why wouldn't a family from Iowa or anywhere for that matter enjoy the experience of the local flavor?? What's the deal that we have to go to the same chain restaurants and stay in our comfort bubble? I had Sunday night free so I decided to wander out and grab a bite. I walked away from Times Square and the hoards of families in Mickey Mouse tshirts and flip flops and stumbled upon the Stage deli - I've been to two delis in NYC - the Stage and the Carnegie - both have sandwiches that defy gravity - they serve mouth watering corned beef, pastrami, and have the best pickles!! So, I popped into the Stage for a bite to eat. I sat at the bar and immediately was struck by a note of sadness - the sparkle, the energy, the "je ne sais quoi" - was not there. It was like a woman whose makeup from the night before is in need of some "refreshing"....I thought was it me or was it New York that had changed? The food was delicious - pickles like before but it was just tired. It was tired of upholding a NYC landmark that no one appreciates any longer - like the guest who stayed too long at the party and didn't realize the hosts had gone to bed.

I saw tourists approach the door and ask to see a menu, look at it, and then leave!?? How, how I say could you do that - just look at the plates in front of those who can appreciate the absolute heaven two slices of rye bread, with mounds of pastrami and cole slaw....I say it shouldn't be wasted on them! Let them go back to their chicken ceasar wrap and diet coke, their regular Monday night dinner out moved to Manhattan - I'll take the history, the deliciousness, and the familiarity of an old friend anytime.

NYC bound

So I'm on an Acela train to NYC - in the quiet car no less. What's up with that? Do we really need to designate a space where there is no noise? Even libraries have opened up to a bit of conversational din.....so it's fascinating to watch people in this cocoon of non-electronic verbal communication - where we can only be receptive and not necessarily interactive. Granted, about half of the seats in this car are empty - people still want distraction - there are crossword puzzles, powerpoint presentations, best sellers and self-help books evident. Could we expand this concept to other areas of our lives? Could we develop quiet offices, quiet restaurants, quiet airplanes? Think of the focus we could give to our own thoughts versus the throes of group decision-making.

Maybe this would be a good idea for Congress. Put them all in a quiet car and make them think about their legislative decisions and their effect. Would they begin to hear the common sense voices in their minds going - what the hell were we thinking? Or would any rational thought still be blocked from years of deterioration. Being alone with your thoughts and THINKING can be a valuable too. It lets that little voice in your head come forward and ask you questions you don't want to necessarily answer.

Silence feeds the imagination. I'm going to imagine for a while....

Experiential

Pondering how we learn - some of us learn by rote, some of us by example, and some of us by experience - is there any advantage to one over the other? Well, my bias is toward experiential learning - why, because it's the most personal of them. Let's plug an example in - let's use the notion of love - by rote, one would learn that love is an emotion expressed toward a person or object to which one is attached - by example, one could use the relationship in literature of Romeo and Juliet - by experience, one could refer to a parental, partner, or friend relationship. To have the full understanding of a concept, I believe one has to have the experience to its fullest. That means throwing oneself fully into the experience to learn the good, the bad, and the muddy middle.

I use love as the example because it is one side of the powerful emotional coin - the other side being hate, and I don't want to explore that just yet....To understand, comprehend, and appreciate the experience of love, one has to be willing to be vulnerable, to be seen by another person, to be rejected, to be judged, to be appreciated and cherished. It is only in the reflection of another with whom this vulnerability is allowed can this emotion be understood. Love is a many splendid thing but it is usually accompanied with jealousy, self-doubt, and preconceived notions. Yay!

Changing hearts

I went to a wedding last evening. The engagement wasn't announced in the paper, there was no wedding shower, no bachelor party. There were no engraved invitations, no cascading flowers or organist. But there was two people joining their lives together, two witnesses to this powerful moment, and a rabbi providing the blessing of the Almighty upon this couple's union.

The groom and groom had met 14 years earlier to the date and in their words to each other they shared what that day and every day since has been like. They spoke of highs and lows, moves across the country, and all of it together. They cried, the groom's daughter cried and I cried. It was more emotionally and spiritually powerful than I could have imagined. Listening to the rabbi give blessings that have been given over thousands of years of history brought it all together.

At dinner after the ceremony, we were discussing the tears - especially from one of the grooms who had previously shared that the ceremony was not going to change anything - and the rabbi said the tears came from the ability to share their love and commitment freely, openly, and with recognition from a higher power.

Mazel Tov

Nixon/Frost & 62 yrs together

Hubris and love - this morning I watched Nixon/Frost - the account of probably the most famous interview in the history of television. And I also read the nuptual announcement of two men who have spent almost 60 years together who were married in DC. I put these together because the both fall to the category of elected officials who feel that they have the power granted to them by elected office, to enact laws and to stretch them to their personal benefit. Richard Nixon, the most infamous politician, felt that by virtue of his office he could commit no wrongdoing - it was the president's prerogative - and yet, democracy is based on the premise that NO ONE is above the law -interesting interpretation on his part I must say. Having been a child when the Watergate hearings were broadcast, interrupting my Sesame Street viewing I might add, it is hard to comprehend how close the entire system of government came to collapse. Additionally, I find it fascinating that in hindsight, while everyone despised Gerald Ford for pardoning Nixon, everyone now agrees that had he not and an impeachment trial had taken place, the country would have been torn further apart. History has that fascinating viewpoint in that the further away the event, the more the nuanced and less black and white the event becomes.

Which now brings me to the wonderful couple who married this past week. Bob Davis, 89, and Henry Schalizki, 89, met in 1942 and have been together living a lovely life together here in Washington, DC. Hubris kept them apart - hubris that love between men or women would bring the world to a screeching halt. One may ask what is the thread between there stories? It is the documents that founded this great country - for President Nixon, it was his breaking his oath to defend the Constitution of the United States and in the case of Bob & Henry, it is the Declaration of Independence. We are all given the right equally under the Declaration the pursuit of happiness. Why do modern leaders not go back and understand that we are a country which respects and thrives on diversity and inclusion. We are not a homogeneous nation and never have been. We have been the beneficiary of the greatest pool of diversity and talent in modern history. Why do our leaders say no more than they say yes? How can they not understand that the country is now moving much faster than they are?

Again, down the road, history will provide greater insight to this battle for marriage rights. In the meantime, I can applaud a relationship between two men which has spanned the last half-century. L'amour, toujour l'amour.